Saturday, June 16, 2007

is it possible for anyone to look that good the morning after?

so this is going to sound...craaaaazy, but then again when don't i? i spent a good hour thinking about him today and you want to know what i did almost the whole time? i laughed. not at the absurdity of the fact that i ever loved him. not at how much time i "wasted," or the fact that even now i can't seem to love anyone the way the i loved him. i laughed at all the good times, the fact that i did actually love him that much. i thought about waking up late at night with him sound asleep next to me and it hurting so much that i had to touch him just to convince myself that it was real and when i couldn't i would touch him gently until he woke up and pray that he would be coherent enough to wrap himself into me and fill the hole his gender-imposed-narcolepsy had left behind. when he was, coherent enough that is, i could fall back asleep smiling and holding his hand. if not, he'd simply mumble and give me a squeeze, a kiss on the forehead before falling back to sleep. i'd smile and the pain would flip-flop in my stomach and i would eventually drift off to sleep along side him knowing it would be worse in the morning whether he'd woken up or not