Friday, June 20, 2008

the kind of grace you can't fall from

there are nights here that are like so many nights i have spent here before. summer nights. the air is sweet. warmer than usual and tempered now by something that feels like loneliness. but still sweet. i am busier than i've been in a long time. it's good for my mind and a little rough on my heart, but He is constant. there are things God is doing that are lighting my bones on fire. there is a calling He has placed on the lives of certain people here that is HUGE. it is nauseating to think that there are forces meddling with the truths Daddy has spoken over His children. telling lies that will keep them from stepping out in boldness and living in His love. there is so much on my heart concerning the way many of us focus almost entirely on what we do and don't do. do and don't DO. do and don't do. do and don't do. the more i repeat it the more my stomach aches. we are literally stuck. focused on US. rather than on His face. it sounds so ridiculous coming out of my own mouth, because i know i can't make anyone understand how much i mean it. and i REALLY mean it. i rarely see people (and have trouble myself) walking in a way that reflects the gospel of grace. infact, we deny it when we fall into the habit of keeping up appearances and the destructive patterns of behavioral control. does any of what i'm saying make sense? i know there are those that would ask "well isn't faith without deeds dead?" i think that faith translates into action, but how many of us confuse action for works? honestly. think about it. in one way or another we are trying to prove something to someone. whether it's to God or not, only you and He know, but we shouldn't be trying to prove anything to anyone. especially God. i would imagine He gets sick of hearing us tell Him what vile sinners we are when He calls us something wholly (holy) other. i would imagine He tries to get through saying, "yeah yeah i know, but i took care of that remember? would you just live loved?" i know i've mentioned before that i have experienced the heavy, all consuming fire, that is the Father's great love for us, and i don't say it again to be redundant, but if it seems so i won't apologize, because i hope i never stop telling people of His love until the day i die and even then, in glory, i'll shout about it without a thought and swim around in it all day. anyway when you experience it, it changes you, and it un-warps the way you look at the world and people and love and dating and death and laughter and crying and breathing and teaching and reading and sleeping and eating you see what i'm saying? it changes everything. it gives even mundane things purpose and life and... it all means something. it all translates into something. He is constantly in us and around us and touching us and fighting for us and speaking to us.