Tuesday, December 23, 2008


2009 can't get here fast enough. i need to check myself. i hate when i sometimes go back to being the person i used to be. i don't like that girl. she grosses me out. i need to get loved out of this hole.

Saturday, December 13, 2008


i just thought about the idea of making new year's resolutions and i got irrationally pissed off. i feel like confessing a few things. few of which will make sense to many, if any, of you. i like who i am today better than i like the person i was a year ago today. i've gone through some intense changes. there were things i cried about over the last year that needed crying over and there were things i cried about that now, when i think about the wasted tears, make me mad enough to spit. and i get so tired of telling myself how i "should" feel instead of just letting myself feel. i realized tonight in a brief conversation with a good friend that my heart will never ever ever never ever in a zillion years let me let go of him completely. he makes it (my heart) do really funny things. and if we're being totally honest, i'm only confessing this here, because i found out in that conversation, however brief, that he reads this thing sometimes. i was embaressed to find that out. and now i'm embaressing myself even further, because i had some insane urge to be really truthful via blog post. lame.

so here's to you-annonymous reader/friend. i love you. i think i loved you the day i saw you. thanks for putting up with all my bull the last three years and seeing me through to being a much more enjoyable person than i was when we met. thanks for always, without fail, making me laugh. thanks for being genuinely happy all the times i lied to you about coming to see you, and showed up on your doorstep anyway. thanks for showing up on mine. thank you for your stories. your 2 a.m. phone calls. for laying on the floor and watching insanely long movies. for late night talks in the dark about our future and all the bullshit in between. for doing stupid, risky things with me, but always making sure we made it home safe. thanks for your smile and your laugh, they make others pale in comparison. thanks for being so thoughtful and for saying the opposite of what you mean in a way that lets me know you care even more than if you told it to me straight all the time. thanks for being quirky and slightly insane. thanks for being beautiful. and just so you know. i still have your gloves and i put them on when i miss you too much.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

sore throat

i knew today was going to be a good day when i got to work and realized i'd put my underwear on inside out.

hah. hahaha. hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

Monday, December 08, 2008

scotch tape

do you talk to yourself? i talk to myself.

turns out the bottle of wine i got last night was a shiraz. not a cabernet. screwy groccery store labels. it was still totally delish.

Sunday, December 07, 2008

and the piano's this melancholy soundtrack to her smile

i had one of those days. one of those days where everything feels alright. even the sad stuff, because there's always sad stuff, feels ok by you, because you're just really glad that you're alive. and even though life blows sometimes. because it does. blow. sometimes. you'll take the bad with the good, because you wouldn't know the good if you didn't know the bad.

i went to breakfast with the g's. the cousin. and the brother. we saw a movie. in a real cotton pickin' (is that saying offensive?) movie theatre with seats that reclined. and i laughed until i cried. being on your own makes you grateful. let me rephrase that. being on your own AND poor makes you grateful. the movies are a real treat you know? the movies were always a treat for me i guess. the whole cinematic experience is one of my favourite things on earth. it's like the opposite of static cling. or marzipan.

after a nap and a cup of coffee i did my dishes. i love when all the dishes in the house are clean. it feels so good to need a spoon and reach in a drawer full of them. i waited until it was dark to go into town, because driving at night. alone. is also the opposite of marzipan. i got a few things i needed, but didn't spend much, because i've become this terribly saavy person, but it's sunday, and it's cold, and it feels like movie season, so i wanted to treat myself to two things and so begins the story of why i'm sitting on my couch smiling...

after flirting with the cutest boy i've ever seen behind a blockbuster counter this side of...anywhere and opening up an account there. i found myself in front of pack n' save petting a dog. i told him he couldn't come in, but i hoped whoever he was waiting for would come out soon. i've been craving two things all week. wine. and a big burger with everything you could think to put on it, on it. i've drastically changed the way i eat and both of these things fall under the "rare treats" category. i don't know how i ended up in the wine isle. fate perhaps? but i found myself standing there with one question running through my head. "what's worse for your arteries? RED meat? or RED wine?" i decided on the former and quickly snatched up a bottle of some australian cabernet. i am enjoying my time alone so much. i got some sense kissed into to me recently (also a rare treat. hahaha. nothing serious though, i assure you fine readers.) and being single, you guessed it, is also the opposite of marzipan. this may change. but for now i feel like i'm developing some real gumption and enjoying myself while i'm at it. at that i'm off to my movie and my wine.

i sure as sunlight don't want a boyfriend right now, but i wouldn't be terribly offended if the boy at blockbuster was smart enough to take down my number while opening that account of mine...he seemed clever enough.

Thursday, December 04, 2008

duck neck: an update

i needed to get up when my alarm went off and walk this morning. i need to wash my hair. i just watched martha stewart man-handle a duck carcass and i doubt i'll ever be the same. i'm not feeling work today. the nose ring is no longer. i want clean clothes, clean dishes, and a new book to read. i'll go make a generous to-do list. that's what i'll do.

oh and britters. this one is for you. early morning, coffee, cardigan, and kissses. i miss you too. loads.

my apologies for the "no make-up" face.