no amount of coffee, no amount of wine, no no nothing else will do, i gotta have you

so i won't say this year is going to be different, because i fear i'd be setting myself up for disapointment, however i have finally decided on my main objective for the year. to live a life i can be proud of. i refuse to spend anymore time doing things of which i am ashamed. i don't ever again want to feel the way i did in my last post. i don't ever want to get sick over preventable mistakes. this doesn't mean i won't make them, but the ones i can't help making i can deal with. it's the ones i could have somehow prevented by using common sense, thinking ahead, or let us be honest; not drinking too much, that i hope, and plan, and pray to eliminate. instead of putting my money where my mouth is, as they say, i hope to put my actions where my big fat mouth has been. to have a more structured, loving, honest, healthy, happy exsistence. what this looks like exactly i don't know just yet, but breaking down the previous list looks something like this, although it will entail much more, i am sure...

structure-going to bed before 5 in the morning and getting up early a.k.a not five minutes before class/work/exercize or coffee with mom (may or may not happen tonight)
love-i do a decent job of loving others, but this year i've got to love me
honesty-plain and simple: learn to say no
health-quit smoking!!!!!! and only drink occasionally, oh and exercize more, stop drinking pop, and let people love me (apparently i have several suggestions for this category)
happiness-accomplish all of the above and allow god to be a part of every single step without beating myself up for not being as "good" as the next jane doe. i serve a different purpose than her anyhow.

all of this sounds really good to me. and although i can't do it on my own, i can think of a lot of good friends, one in particular ;) that will be more than willing to help me out if i ask. so, jesus...i'm asking. and please allow me to recognize the help you send.

and seriously if i don't start using the canvas bags i bought to carry my groceries in i am not going to allow myself food (which might be a good thing since extreme weight loss is also a vanity goal i have) because the condition of our enviroment is no laughing matter and i need to atleast try. conserving toilet paper and water are also on the top of my list. you don't need as many sheets as you think you do and nobody needs to run the water while they are brushing their teeth, turn it off unless your toothbrush is actually under the faucet!

i am done preaching, but only because it is 4:23, i have to work in the morning and technically i'll be getting in bed before 5 a.m.-look at me i'm already making progress...