rain on my window

days like today remind me of the months after you died. they were filled with rain soaked days and thunder storms. the gutters gave way under the weight of the flood and our driveway ran over with the streams it made. our small apartment fell silent on days when the wind blew the hardest and the rain fell relentlessly. i think we both thought of you a lot in those days, but words hurt when there is nothing left to say. it took a six pack and a late night under the awning for us to allow ourselves the tears and to speak your name. the rain fell steadily that day and we watched as the make-shift rivers of water made pools at our feet. we laughed at memories as we stained our cheeks and hugged each other when we couldn't hold ourselves up. i don't know if the rest is real or if i dreamt it or if it is some hodgepodge picture show from another night in the rain, but we kicked off our flip flops and jumped out into the storm. the tears on our cheeks mixed with the rain drops and we danced. steam rose from the pavement and i could feel summer seeping up from the ground. the shower soaked our hair and covered our bare legs with droplets. i felt like i could breath again. and i remember feeling so grateful.