#@!%^

damndamndamnit! shit.

what else am i supposed to say? i could probably string together a list of curse words a mile long that would make you wince and make my mother sigh a long sigh. cause i have to hate him after this. or at least forget. no self-respecting woman could...but i'm not a self-respecting woman. i couldn't possibly be if in this one. huge. important area of my life i have not only settled for less, but for neglect.

and i'm afraid because, even still. sitting here, the blood in my veins boiling hot enough to make my cheeks flush, there is a voice in my head that tells me i'm assuming too much. and it's his voice i think, because i know that's what he'll say if he's ever man enough to call. and i'll buckle just a little. and i won't close the door tightly. and he'll sneak back in. and i'll keep caring. and giving. and wasting my time.