here goes nothing

it is 3:06 in the morning. i leave for the airport in a little over two hours. i have not gone to bed yet. i assure you i won't be going to bed anytime soon. my best friend is asleep next to me. one of the cats is exploring and randomly knocking things over in the room. he gives me a start everytime. the dogs are snoring. loudly. i am exhausted. no other way to put it. physically drained. i haven't had more than a few hours of sleep a night (sometimes as little as 2) in over two weeks. i have packed up, thrown out, or given away everything i own. as i was tossing the last bag of donated items into the trunk today i realized that i no longer have a home here. what a strange feeling! my family will have been in ohio ten years this next summer. coming from germany (ireland, california, etc. etc. before that) we were an odd bunch. by the grace of God and a little coaxing we became better accustomed to the culture in a small midwestern town and i made beautiful friends (one of them being the woman sleeping next to me. i don't know what i would do without her. even when we drive eachother up a wall.) i went through school, acquired a lot (and probably lost a little.) knowledge, did a few stupid things, had a lot of laughs, got my heart broken, re-discovered a lovely little place in the mountains of the sierra nevadas and after two years of the back and forth i am finally taking the plunge. i thought about it today and smiled to think i have financially backed this entire move myself. plane tickets, bills, spending money etc. i'm a big girl now. (sung to the tune of the pull-ups commercial of course.) pray for me. i have no idea what i am doing.