no matter how i feel inside

i keep having this wonderful vision. i'm sitting at an upright piano writing a song. i don't know where it is, but i know the house i'm in is mine. i have a cat on my lap. i'm wearing a red shirt that buttons down the back. the room looks like something i would put together and there is a small jar full of hand picked flowers on top of the piano. i did not pick them. i am keenly aware of the fact that i am loved by someone special. i don't know who that person is, but his presence in my life is something i feel very sure of sitting there.

i have moments lately where i am very lonely. not the kind of lonely that friends can fix. i drove to my grandparents last week, because family and that town are the sweetest rest my bones can ever find. it felt so good to be out on the road again. at one point i glanced at the passenger seat and wished i was in it. the tears that followed caught me off guard. i felt angry for a moment. abandoned. very tired of putting on the brave face and saying i'm ok with "doing my own thing." and then i heard Him say, "i'm sitting here. reach out your hand." so i did. it landed on the arm rest, but did not hit fabric. my hand was on top of His hand. my tiny hand on His. my tears gave way to laughter and i was reassured. on the switch backs of the 49, He told me that if i would just trust the truth that has been spoken and seek the truth that will be, the rest will come. even the upright. the button down. the cat on my lap. the flowers in a jar. and a love to be sure of.