i just thought about the idea of making new year's resolutions and i got irrationally pissed off. i feel like confessing a few things. few of which will make sense to many, if any, of you. i like who i am today better than i like the person i was a year ago today. i've gone through some intense changes. there were things i cried about over the last year that needed crying over and there were things i cried about that now, when i think about the wasted tears, make me mad enough to spit. and i get so tired of telling myself how i "should" feel instead of just letting myself feel. i realized tonight in a brief conversation with a good friend that my heart will never ever ever never ever in a zillion years let me let go of him completely. he makes it (my heart) do really funny things. and if we're being totally honest, i'm only confessing this here, because i found out in that conversation, however brief, that he reads this thing sometimes. i was embaressed to find that out. and now i'm embaressing myself even further, because i had some insane urge to be really truthful via blog post. lame.
so here's to you-annonymous reader/friend. i love you. i think i loved you the day i saw you. thanks for putting up with all my bull the last three years and seeing me through to being a much more enjoyable person than i was when we met. thanks for always, without fail, making me laugh. thanks for being genuinely happy all the times i lied to you about coming to see you, and showed up on your doorstep anyway. thanks for showing up on mine. thank you for your stories. your 2 a.m. phone calls. for laying on the floor and watching insanely long movies. for late night talks in the dark about our future and all the bullshit in between. for doing stupid, risky things with me, but always making sure we made it home safe. thanks for your smile and your laugh, they make others pale in comparison. thanks for being so thoughtful and for saying the opposite of what you mean in a way that lets me know you care even more than if you told it to me straight all the time. thanks for being quirky and slightly insane. thanks for being beautiful. and just so you know. i still have your gloves and i put them on when i miss you too much.
1 comment:
sometimes our lives and our hearts move on, but our memories do not. it can be a good thing or it can be bad. yours is pretty good i'd say. when you talk about it you sound gracious for the time you had and stronger for who it helped you to become. i love you for being insightful. and just so YOU know, sometimes I look at ugly scarfs and wish there was a beautiful face on top of it to make it prettier. hahah. btw...i have nintendo now, so come home and let me kick your ass!
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