i hate you. i hate that i don't. i hate second guessing and seeing your light through the darkness you put off. i hate that i got a taste of the person you are underneath your well constructed facade. i hate the half truth-bullshit-pride vortex in which we seem to reside. couldn't we just go back to that day on the tiles and decide to be friends? catch a glimpse of what we are now and conclude together that it would be better that way? then i could enjoy the person you are without being sore over your indecision and the omission of your life's details. your random contact gives me a buzz that's bad for my health. and i feel silly for feeling this way. for feeling anything at all. for spinning the lie that made you change your mind. but we can't go back. and i am begging the universe for the day i don't care.
i want to bleed. cry. laugh. and curse you out. and wash my hands of the mess we've made.