pent up

i hopped a train to louisiana and i didn't think about you the whole way. i bit my fingernails until they bled. and i sang with a man who played the guitar like he was born holding it in his firm grip. i wouldn't let him touch me. i've never felt so alone while loving someone so well. and when my feet hit the bricks i thought long and hard about letting a street car hit me. but all i could see then was your face. and i hated you for being gone even when you're close. and being there even when i'm far.

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i traced my fingers along all your scars. ones unseen. my favorites. the one under the left side of your rib cage with the ridges i love so much. the one above your collar bone that refuses to tan with the rest of you. the one down your middle. evidence that you've had every evil thing gutted from your belly and the only things put back in and sewed up were the good things. the beautiful things. like your green eyes in sunlight. like your strong fingers on pearly black and whites. like cigarette smoke trailing from your perfect mouth. your skin under water. or the sounds you make in sleep.

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tip of the hat
top of the bottle
who wants the poison?
how do you make light
of shoe strings tied too tight?
make two bunny ears
one bunny goes around the tree
and into the hole
pull tight!
three times
i closed my eyes
loop swoop and pull

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black curls shade blue windows to a soul less impure than she thinks. her heart bleeds gold. gold choked by neglect. strangled by fear and tempered by loneliness. but she shines in a dark room. questions her worth while proving it. and i wonder how i got so lucky as to share diluted blood with this broken angel.