i want

i would like there to be no speculation over whether or not i am happy. because i am. sometimes a girl just has to write. today i woke up. i put in a load of laundry that was long over due and did my morning dance with the coffee pot. his name is henry and he is very reliable. my coffee pot that is. sturdy and set in his ways, but reliable none the less. and he always gives me what i want. when i sat down at the computer and started surfing i laughed at how much i use the internet as an accurate gauge of my social status or, to be completely honest, how loved i am. i had to get off and start writing for fear of losing my mind in my coffee mug. i am struggling. distance and time can make people akward and unsure. especially when you don't feel important in the grand scheme of whatever is taking over our lives. i have my coffee. i have my music. i have my friends. i have my jesus. what more convincing can the universe do? perhaps i am overreacting. perhaps i need to do something unexpected so as to release my pent up adventure. or just take up knitting? that's a thought. atleast it would keep my hands busy. then maybe my brain would take a breather. doubtful. i want to be higher on someone's interests. i want to be worthy of someone's time. i want sweet nothings. i want more coffee. i want more peace. i want to do things that make me feel alive...more often. i want to stop torturing myself with photographs and silence. is that too much for a girl to ask?