"new jersey smells. or at least it does from where i'm sitting. one cup of coffee and three cigarettes into this layover i'm starting to realize how much i am going to miss you. i found a real gem among the pictures we took on your brother's old bed yesterday. i made it my wallpaper and occasionally look at us. i wonder how i got lucky enough to have this work out after all the shit we've put each other through. guess there is such a thing as "meant to be." i'm in the process of making you two cds. you need to send me your address in "canadia" so i can randomly send you things when the spirit moves me. hah. you have to promise to listen to them on the weekends so you don't forget me or what good music sounds like. it might be the only way i can really communicate myself to you. like how much i love you and what i might be going through at any given time over the next four months. after spending practically every day with you for the last three i fear this time spent apart is going to be quite difficult. however, i trust that not in spite, but because of all things we've fought for that we will be just fine. i'm lighting up my fourth before going through the hell that is airport security on the east coast. i'll see you soon love. take care of yourself for me. i need you back in the worst way."
i never knew my thoughts could be louder than a plane engine. i have a lot of processing to do and i fear that as today has involved the fairly consistent consumption of alcohol in order to numb any extreme emotions, so too will the next week. as soon as the drink cart rolled by i ordered a gin and tonic so as not to forget my new friends. i then made a picture of him kissing my forehead my wallpaper so as not to forget my new commitment and lastly i played neutral milk hotel to distract me from myself.
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