sore fingers

i feel like a kid in september whose mom is an early christmas shopper. she has all the gifts locked up in her closet or a trunk somewhere in the house and i am dying to take a peek. side note: if it were my mom, having to ward off the four of us macgyvers, the presents would be taped inside plastic bags, bolted (twice) into a trunk and hidden in a relative or friend's house across town. i swear even at four connor could finagle a paper clip like nobody's business. and i was right there beside him, holding the flash light. back to my terribly insightful analogy comparing christmas presents and my spiritual life...i know that god has great things in store for me. he told me so once. but at the same time i feel like i'm biding my time until "then" and i don't want that. i want to be of use always. here and now. with people i know like the back of my hand and with total strangers whose world view may be slightly skewed and difficult for me to understand. i feel like i am constantly trying to take "a peek" at what he has next and he just keeps telling me "no. look at all the great things that are going on now, before christmas, it will be totally worth the wait if you just have patience and focus on the now." this settles me for a while and then when left home alone for too long, i get the itch, i sneek into the closet or unbury the trunk and try to take a peek. i just keep getting my fingers slammed in the door or shut in the lid. the cycle is vicious and unending. i think i'll just shake it off and leave the mysteries of the universe to its creator. i'm going to go turn up this song and dance until life makes sense and i feel alive again.