mascara runs and coffee burns

i ache. in funny places i haven't ached in for a very long time. god is so good. he comforted me last night, when i couldn't control my fear any longer. he sat up and talked with me. letting me know that regardless of what other people may do, i will be fine. i am still afraid. the knot in my stomach has lessened, but it is there nonetheless. a little haunting at times because i am trying to forget, but it will not vanish completely. not yet. perhaps i should just wait and see. perhaps i should ask the question that is torturing me. some small relief would be much appreciated right now. i'll drink my coffee and study the word. go on a walk and try to breathe really deep, until the cold air stings my lungs and then i'll hold my breath until i get a little loopy and let it out in one final gust, letting all the fear and worry and hurt out into the wind to be taken away from me for good. or atleast for a little while. it is the best i can do without making a fool of myself.