so. i write. a lot. the ratio of how much i write to how much i actually put out there in the form of a blog is probably somwhere near 10:1. but there are some days when one feels the need to reveal more than usual. today is one of those days. i wish i could say that this entry is a continuation of this morning's elightened one. but it isn't. it is somewhat of a dumping. i dare say a complaint. one i am not fully prepared to voice elsewhere. i will spare my few readers the details of what it is exactly that has my feathers so ruffled, because one they aren't classy and two there is someone out there who needs to know them before the world does and i haven't yet spoken to him. i try my best to respect people. their feelings, their space, their pride, their problems. most people will do the same in return. in my experiences as of late "most" may be a generous statement, but i will remain optimistic about this. moving on. so "most" people will do the same in return. on days when an individual (or several individuals) do not pay me the same courtesy i can typically smile and love them through it. that is what i am called to do. but today. today was, for lack of better words, very difficult. i feel that i was disrepected in two of the most vile ways a woman can be disrespected by another human being. not only was i verbally offended by several comments concerning my body, but i was physically mishandled. all of this in place where i should be safe, by a person whom i am supposed to answer to professionally. none of which was provoked by me. i was simply doing my job. cheerfully, i might add. after regailing my sister and her dear boyfriend with the my tale of woe (i am making fun of myself there. for those that didn't catch that.) and seeing their more than enraged reactions, i realized that perhaps i am numb to this treatment. i came home irritated. feeling a bit violated, but no longer fuming. i feel as though i have already accepted what happened. after all it is most definately not the first time a man as disrepected me verbally OR physically and frankly...well now i'm irritated with myself. i feel as though i verbally repremanded the offender, but i left not sure that he got the point i was making. i also felt that almost every one of my co-workers laughed it off and to have made any a bigger deal than i did would have been seen as "bitchy" or "overreacting." but my feelings, my self-esteem, and my body all took a swift kick to the proverbial ribs tonight.
i guess now all i can do is refuse to claim it. refuse to claim what he said as truth because it is not. it is not how my creator sees me. it is not what He says about me. and it is not how He desires me to see myself or how He desires me to be treated. of the many things He has brought me through and the many things He has taught me this year that is one of the most important. whether it was through His quiet, but ever present whispering to my heart. or through the amazing man He put in my life to love me the way He intended, i have slowly started to get it. like really get it.
"it's not truth over here and Jesus over there, as if they were two different things. where we find one we find the other. Jesus is quoted in the book of John as saying, "i and the Father are one." if Jesus and God are one, if Jesus shows us what God is really, truly like, and God is truth and all truth is God's truth, then Jesus takes us into the truth, not away from it. He frees us to embrace whatever is true and good and beautiful wherever we find it."
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