these fall as leaves fall

sitting outside in this unseasonably warm weather i muse over the things god is doing in my life. i hope for cooler weather. despite the temperature the leaves are still beginning to turn. some of them are even starting to fall to the ground when the the wind blows the right way. summer was a time of love and growth. a time of extreme spiritual prosperity. my branches were in full bloom. i do believe my spiritual life follows the seasons in quick sucession. now, in the fall, i feel as though i am being stripped. amongst the leaves of summer were many good things. love, friendship, revelation, healing. but hidden among them were also insecurity, selfishness, old pain, and addiction (to name a few). in order to rid me of those things all the leaves must fall. it leaves me feeling a little empty, but god is faithful. this winter will be a hard one. a time of relying fully on god even though on the outside i will often appear barren. when the spring rolls around i trust that my branches will yet again be full and that in place of the old leaves will be new and healthier ones. love, friendship, revelation and healing will return without insecurity, selfishness, old pain, and addiction to stifle their growth. i look forward to this time. i look forward to the things i have been promised coming into exsistance. the quiet winter months will be a time for sincere reflection. for kicking the crutches out from underneath my arms. for allowing myself to be refined. what wonderful things could await in the spring? i can only imagine. god is so much more creative than we give him credit for. i am beginning to realize how utterly romantic he is. how much he wants me to have the desires of my heart, as long as i am willing to give them to him and not look back. i am willing. i am so willing.