i have been in awe today. of all He has done in my heart. how utterly abandoned i want to be to Him and His perfect will for my life. even when things seem messy or out of control, which they are without Him, He shows me this undying, unwavering, love and commitment. even when things are good and i am at peace with my decisions and the decisions that have been thrust upon me, He is there smiling at me and sharing in my joy. He is unlike any person, man or woman, i have ever come in contact with. or ever hope to come in contact with. today i can't help but cry. hot tears streak my face at every turn. the smallest things send me into a place of quiet reflection where my reverance and gratitude are overwhelming. i want my actions, my words, my heart, my relationships, and my life to be a pure reflection of His love. for others, for the world, for myself. i am beginning to realize how short my time is here. how fast it all goes and how it is but a breath compared to eternity. i truely long to be there with Him. looking into His sweet, sparkling, endless eyes always. not just for moments. i saw something today that so accurately portrayed my life up until this point that i could not help but fall to the ground. in one day i have been taken over by the urge to bow down, cry, rise up, shout, sing, run, jump, laugh, cry some more, get on and off my knees, and praise Him with everything in me, until i am exhausted. and then do it all again. how has it taken me this long? i must count every day as lost that was not spent loving Him like this. every day.
found this in my journal today and i mean it more now than ever...
i have sought Your face
in the masks of devils.
i have searched for joy
in places i should flee.
i will no longer substitute Your presence
with their watered down offerings.
11-22-07
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